


Welcome to Being a Main Character

by Ill_fitting



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: (Also this isn't RPF at all lol), (I hate that I can't put commas inside tags., (I write Ranboo really OOC but he's also a kid so), (I'm really bad at tagging. sorry!), (If you see anything else I should tag let me know!), (Phil and Tech refer to Ranboo as it., (Sorta set in minecraft but not really?), But they don't mean it., Enderman Hybrid Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Hybrid Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), I'm tired.), I've typed a comma on accident at least 15 times., Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kid Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Kidnapping, Language Barrier, Memory Loss, Not Canon Compliant, POV Multiple, Piglin Hybrid Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo Angst (Video Blogging RPF), They just thought he was an enderman.)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 23:53:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29990724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ill_fitting/pseuds/Ill_fitting
Summary: Ranboo doesn’t recognize where he is, but he’s in danger. Running from something, he teleports directly into Techno and Phil’s hotel room.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 80





	1. Exposition

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya! Enjoy!

Everything was wrong. Ranboo could feel the static of fear humming in his ears under the shouts of his kidnappers. He’d managed to escape them, but outside his concrete box the world was different. The sky was bright and blue, and the ground was soft and wet. Both hurt so much. He couldn’t see the void. He couldn’t see anyone who looked like him. Where _was_ he?

He tried to keep to the shadows and the lighter areas of the ground that were firmer and dry, but he was running for his life and it was so hard to think. The shouting grew louder, closer, and so did the hum. Adrenaline turning up the volume until he couldn’t breathe. He hit a dead end, spun around to see the people chasing him right there and-

Suddenly he was somewhere else. Inside another box. With new people. Great.

* * *

Phil and Techno were quick to draw their swords at the familiar vwoop of an enderman. Keeping their eyes down as they turned and… made eye contact? With a kid? Hesitating, they looked at each other.

‘ _What the heck is this?_ ’ Techno gestured to it.

‘ _Dunno, mate._ ’ Phil shrugged. He put away his sword.

“Uhhh, kid? Where’d you come from?” He crouched down, taking the chance to look it up and down. His eyes stopped on the shackles around his feet. Oh. A runaway. He looked up at Techno to see if he noticed, only to see his fellow war criminal looking terrified. He whipped his head back to the kid who was crying. Oh. “Oh, mate.” Phil held his arms open, ready to swoop the kid into a hug. He thought better of it at the last second, and instead moved as slowly and gently as possible, stopping every time the kid stiffened. “It’s okay. It’ll be okay. You’re safe now.” Phil held the kid as if he was going to break. After a few minutes of sobbing, Phil pulled back to see him out cold.

Techno laughed awkwardly behind him. “Well, this is an interesting development. Researching the End only to stumble upon an… enderman hybrid? What exactly is he?”

Phil shook his head. “He’s probably a hybrid, but more than just enderman. You see the texture on his other half? Definitely not human.” Carefully, Phil laid the kid down on his bed.

“Heh? Philza, what’re you doing? We need to find the kid’s parents! We can’t just be adopting random orphans, no matter how relevant to the plot they are!”

“Techno, look at his ankles.” Techno looked at his ankles.

“Oh.”

Phil nodded. “Oh.”

* * *

Groggy, Ranboo wakes up. Soft surrounds him, and his feet and face burn far less than he remembers. He doesn’t want to move, so he doesn’t. He can’t remember the last time he was so comfortable, in such little pain. Slowly he wakes up enough to hear voices, and immediately the humming feeling is back. Anxiously he waits to be yelled at, kicked, or grabbed. He waits to hear screaming, from him or another of the captives in the concrete box. He waits, but it doesn’t happen.

The more he listens, the more he can make out. The voices are soft and quiet, nothing like the shouting he’s used to. They talk and talk, and he relaxes ever so slightly.

“We need to find out where he came from.”

“I think it’s pretty obvious where he came from, judging by the shackles and the crying.”

“I mean- do you think he has family? Friends?”

“Maybe. Especially in the End.”

“Not just the End, though. He’s hybrid – probably – and that means he has another half of his family somewhere.”

Ranboo couldn’t understand what they were saying. It was all too smooth and long. Something so different than the crunchy Ender and soaring vwroops he understands. A sharp pain in his stomach jolts him out of his sleepy thoughts and he sighs. An end to the comfort.

Nervous, he rolls over to examine the two others in the new box with him. One pink with tusks and gold. The other green and white with wings. He can’t help his little purr at the sight of the wings. He can’t remember why, but they feel so familiar. Safe. Finally, Ranboo decides these two are far more likely to be his fellow prisoners than new captors, and he gets out of bed.


	2. Rising Action

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil and Techno feed the boy, but when they try to leave town, the author says no lol.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all are so lovely!!! I didn't expect anyone to read this at all honestly. To see people not just reading it but also ENJOYING it???? It makes me so unbelievably happy <3 Thank you so so much! Now stop or I'm going to cry lol :,)

Techno is the first to notice Ranboo’s up.

“Hullo.”

Phil turns to the kid, who’s awkwardly standing in the center of the room. “Hullo, mate.”

Ranboo doesn’t respond for a bit. Then, a stuttered glitchy mimic of a hullo greets them.

“Ender,” Phil gasps.

“It’s almost like he’s an enderman.” Techno deadpans, making Philza cackle. Ranboo kind of just continues to stand there. Waiting.

“Do you think he’s hungry?” Techno asks, already looking through his inventory for food and mostly finding… potatoes.

Phil nods. “Could be. Do you think we can just feed him anything?” Techno shrugs as he checks their chests. Phil would help, but he’s busy staring at the kid. He doesn’t like what he sees.

All patched up, the bandages leave little space for skin. His already enderman thin frame clearly whittled down by malnourishment. He doesn’t meet their eyes, which isn’t strange for an enderman hybrid, but other than that he just isn’t reacting to them. He isn’t crying anymore. He isn’t talking or looking around. Phil wonders whether that’s normal behavior or something his captors required of him. Tech would know more. He had more… experience.

“Hey, Techno-“

“Found it!” Techno pulled a stack of golden apples out of one of the chests. “There’s no way he can’t eat these.”

“Unless his other half is undead.” Phil pointed out.

“Wouldn’t that just… cure him?”

“I don’t think you can cure him of what he is, but I guess you could try?” Both of them looked at the kid, weighing the odds. “I’ll look for a potion of harming. Just in case.”

Techno nods and moves closer to the kid, holding out an apple. “Here.” When he didn’t take it, he tried setting it down and motioning towards it. “Eat.” Together they just stared at it. “Phil he won’t eat it.”

“Try showing him how.”

Techno groaned but took the advice gladly. Eating one apple, he gestured dramatically at himself, then at the apple, then at the kid. Finally, he seemed to get it. Gingerly he bit into the gold fruit, vrooping in surprise at the taste.

Phil laughed. “Guess we don’t need this after all,” he said, finally finding a potion of harming.

“Thank god,” Techno grumbled. For a bit both of them sat watching the kid eat. Techno pulled out some potatoes and joined him. Phil found his way to a meal as well. It was a strange scene – a pig decked in gold eating potatoes, a winged man with some golden carrots, and a starved half enderman half something else kid eating golden apples. What a crew. Unfortunately, the meal only lasted so long. Techno and Phil had plans they needed to get to that would be a bit difficult now that they had a kid.

“I feel like taking him through the gate out with us is a bad idea.”

“Ehh, it’s fine.”

It was not fine. They were stopped by the guard like normal. “And what’s his name?” Clearly she was referring to the kid.

“Carl.” “Jared.”

Phil laughed. “Yeah, Carl. Just joking around.” The guard was not happy. She took the three of them inside the guard tower to 'talk'.

“Where did the kid come from?” She asked as soon as they sat down.

Neither Techno nor Phil wanted to answer. The guard sighed and took off her helmet to reveal sheep horns. “Look, I’m like you guys. I’m just trying to help. We know that there’s an underground hybrid smuggling ring in the city, and that kid could be the last clue we need to take them down.”

Techno looked to Phil. Phil nodded. “The inn on Sixth Street. But I don’t think he came from there. Seemed like he was running from someone when we found him.”

The sheep guard nodded. “Thank you. I’d take the kid from you, but honestly he’s probably safer with you than anywhere else in this town. I won’t report you, just… decide on a name. And get him a jacket and some shoes at least! And… maybe a mask. I know neither of you seem to have a problem showing your hybrid traits, but he’s less likely to be taken if no one can tell how valuable he is.”

Phil thanked her. “Yeah we could’ve thought this through better. Sorry for the hassle.”

The sheep guard smiled. “No problem. Thanks for the info. It’s Puffy, by the way. In case you find any other lost kids.”

“Speaking of which,” Techno piped up for the first time. “Where is he?”

Phil immediately darted out of the room, but there was no one in the hallway or outside the tower. He ran back inside, shaking his head at the two he’d left in the dust. “He’s gone.”

Techno turned to Puffy. “You locked the doors behind us on the way in.” Phil looked up, surprised, but Puffy nodded. “Who else has keys and would’ve seen us walk in here?”

Puffy hesitated. “Just the other guard on duty.”

“Do you know where he lives?” Phil asked, pulling out his sword. Techno opened his inventory to check his potion stock, throwing some to his partner in crime. Puffy shook her head.

“No… but I know where it would be written down. If you’re okay with trespassing.” She watched in awe as half a stack of gapples flew from Techno to Phil who mumbled he had a stack already and threw them back. Who _were_ these people? “What are you going to do once you find him?”

“Just a bit of light terrorism.” Techno and Phil both smiled. Puffy would've too if she wasn't so dang terrified. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ranboo really just be like that one emoji. You know, the dude who just stands there. Also, did you guys like meeting Puffy? I don't get to see many of her streams so sorry if her word choice is a little off. P.S. It's midnight-ish here as I post this lol I've been up since 5am I'm so tired. If I, uh, made any mistakes feel free to point them out lol. Sleepy brain sometimes doesn't make the best spelling choices. Also had a run in with the police earlier oof. Anyway I hope you enjoyed! Oh! And sorry there was very little Ranboo in this chapter, the next one is ONLY him, so I had to balance it out! Have a nice day =D

**Author's Note:**

> I usually use a smiley face to lighten the mood when I'm texting, but I can't use it here or all my fellow Ranboo fans would be... unhappy lol. So, uh, I guess I'll just tell you that I'm smiling instead of typing the face! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! *smiles* Leave a Kudos if you did! *smiles* Only 2% of you are subscribed! *smiles* Is this creepy, yet? *smiles* *smiles* *smiles*


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